But please, enjoy this blog ...
"Good God, I'm a genius!"
I immediately called my friend, the designer Christian Siriano, who instantly agreed.
(With the idea, that is. Let's just assume he already knows I'm a genius.)
I hope you guys will agree, once you hear my evil plan.
However, before I unveil it, I wanted to build the excitement by telling you a little backstory first....
I know actresses name-drop designers all the time. Constant references to "My dear friend Narciso" or "I'm here to support my friend Marc" or "The funniest thing happened at Donna Karan's Hamptons estate one weekend" or "I mentioned this to my friend Calvin Klein" and the like are plastered all over magazines.
Unfortunately, I'm probably one of the few actresses I know of who doesn't adore fashion, despite Tim Gunn once telling me at a dinner party that he's always admired my "effortlessly chic style."
*It's also worth noting that Mr. Gunn never returned my calls after saying he was dying to get dinner with me, so I don't know if he meant it or not. Since I despise shopping with the hatred of a thousand suns, and a great pair of vintage 501's gets me far more excited than any Haute Couture, I'm guessing he was simply charming me. (With great success, since I repeated what he said about me to pretty much every single person I came into contact with for months.)
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"But you love my effortlessly chic style, right? Right?" At Christian Siriano's runway show with my beloved almost-friend Tim Gunn (My actual date is the wide-eyed gentleman behind us, John Early) |
I've always loved Project Runway, and through the show I began to develop a real understanding of the creativity, artistry and pressure that goes into designing clothes. Since my friend Andy Cohen used to produce the show for Bravo, he would invite me to attend the runway show finale at the end of each season (an impossible ticket to get, believe me.) I'll never forget Christian's winning runway show, in person it was even more dazzling. It was clear he was extremely talented...edgy, classical, irreverent, while making women look fantastic. He was also very young, said "That's fierce!" a lot, and to be honest, I just assumed he was a snotty prick like most designers.
Turns out, I couldn't have been more off-base. I just love him and his smart, lovely boyfriend Brad Walsh. They are the funniest, least pretentious, generous & extraordinary friends.
I'll let you in on a little secret...dressing up for events isn't nearly as much fun as you'd think it would be. In fact, on my "good times" scale, I'd have to put it somewhere between having an impacted wisdom tooth removed and being cheated on. It's just misery, mostly due to the fact that I have never been, nor will I ever be, a 'Sample size.' A Sample is what they call the one dress the designer creates to be worn on the runway, and it usually ranges from a size zero all the way up to the almost Lane Bryant-esque size 4.
So, yeah, I'm not even in that ballpark.
Of course, most designers will kindly offer to create a gown for you with your measurements...as long as it's for some huge awards show with tons of press.
If it's for anything else, the Sample is the one dress most designers will offer to lend you. Not a copy of that dress, mind you. That exact fucking dress, which was fitted to mold the body of a 6 foot tall 19 year old who's diet consists of radishes and champagne. We all know models are really tall & really thin, but until you see a runway show in person, you simply can't fathom how skinny most of these girls truly are. Sometimes they look like they're about to topple over from the sheer weight of a linen blazer. Most look angry, and who could blame them? You wouldn't be too chipper either, if you hadn't eaten in two years.
Despite the fact that I'd much rather stay home and read a book, due to my profession, sometimes I just gotta bite the bullet and dress that shit up. Over the years, I'd need dresses for benefits or broadway openings or theater award shows, and since there'd be photographers there, I wanted to look halfway cute. This is how I'd end up at some designers showroom, trying desperately to cram my girth into something originally created for a flagpole.
I was good and screwed, because despite being tall, I have a real body, with an ass, a tummy & big ol' knockers, which I'm relieved to say I'm usually quite fine with. However, there's a special kind of humiliation felt when it dawns on you that not one piece of clothing in a designer's entire showroom fits. Or when 6 people finally manage to zip you into a dress and it rips completely open the instant you take a breath. Or when you happen to glance up into the mirror just in time to see the designer roll his eyes to his smirking assistant behind your back...oh god. It's just really, really, really not fun.
I wish I could say the horror I experienced was all due to 'Sample' sizes. God, how I wish. Once, I was nominated for a huge acting award and a famous designer was fitting me for a gown. I was standing there zoning out as he and the tailor were crouching down, talking to each other as they pinned the back of the dress. Suddenly, I heard the designer hiss loudly "I KNOW THAT! But what am I supposed to do??! Her ass is just way too big for this dress!"
It only takes a few words to cut someone in half.
I pretended I didn't hear what he said, and managed to smile until they left (who says I can't act?)
After I wept thousands of humiliated tears, all that was left was anger.
And that, my dear friends, is when I said FUCK THIS SHIT. From that day forward, if I had to go somewhere fancy, I'd haul my fat ass to Neiman's or Barneys and spend thousands on ridiculously expensive designer dress I couldn't afford and would probably never wear again.
I did this for many years, donating the dresses to charity afterwards. As far as I was concerned, it was money well spent, because I'd rather be broke than ever feel like that again.
Eventually, I just didn't attend events like that. I couldn't afford to.
Then came hosting the Lucille Lortel Awards. It was important I go, so people knew I was actually alive. Then Becca left me a message saying "Christian Siriano wants to dress you for the Lucille Lortel Awards," and I was filled with mixed feelings. There was the tiniest spurt of hope, because my dress budget was just big enough to buy something from Forever 21, and only if it was on the half-off rack. But mostly, I was filled with dread. I was only a few months sober, and I really didn't need some dick tormenting me because his dresses couldn't be pulled up past my thighs.
I immediately called Becca back "Make sure he knows that I'm not a fucking sample size. I'm serious, Becca. I'm a size 10, sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller. Tell him that."
She called me back a few minutes later. "He said he doesn't care what size you are. He's a big fan & really wants to make something for you."
I was so touched. No one had ever offered to do that for me before.
Then, I met him. He was warm, sweet, shy, funny and most of all...he didn't seem to be secretly longing for a flagpole. He just wanted me to look great. We hit it off instantly, and for the first time in my life, I understood the joy of fashion.
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| The day we met. |
From that moment on, he's dressed me for countless events and talk shows, always generously overnighting dresses for me no matter where I am in the world. I always feel beautiful in his clothes, whether I'm thin or carrying a little extra junk around.
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| Thin |
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| Junk |
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| Regular |
He and Brad spent many weekends with me up at a place I used to have in Ct. (Brad is an incredible musician, and photographer, which is why I have no pics of him!)
I know it's a long story, but I wanted you guys to understand why Christian means so much to me, and what kind of a person he is.
You've waited patiently long enough! Finally, it's time for.....
MY BRILLIANT IDEA
As most of you know, I've been trying for 61/2 years to build NYC's 1st (and desperately needed) sober high school. Please click here for more info, or go to slamnyc.org.
We're still trying desperately to get a "yes" from the NYC board of Ed. Finally, someone from a very successful consulting group who creates dynamic new schools heard my plea & reached out to me. His company would work with all the confusing political & educational elements so the school can finally happen.
In order to hire this company, we need to raise funds.
Prints of Christian's stunning sketches sold like crazy on his website (in fact he just stopped selling them) so I asked him if he'd be willing to donate a few to help SLAM raise this money.
He didn't hesitate. He also included 3 Originals, which he NEVER sells!
For the purposes of being able to RT and share the actual sketches, as well as purchase, I'm also including them in a separate blog entry.
If you'd like to buy, please let me know which number you want in comments below to reserve it & I can explain further steps.
Once we've connected & your money is in, I'll send sketch!
100% OF THE MONEY WILL GO TO SLAM, and toward helping us hire this Consulting company. No one at SLAM receives a salary.
There are 3 originals & 3 prints. Each signed by Christian. (I'm happy to sign on back as well, thanking you.)
You'll receive a tax-deductable receipt. Of course, if you'd like to donate more, we wouldn't say no!!!
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO BOUGHT A SKETCH!
I HAD NO IDEA THEY'D SELL SO FAST!
I THANK YOU, SLAM THANKS YOU!
ORIGINALS
SOLD OUT
He NEVER sells these, this is very rare event!!!
$500.00 each
11 x 14
Acrylic & Pencil
High Quality Paper
Signed by Christian Siriano
1. SOLD
2.SOLD
3. SOLD
PRINTS
SOLD OUT!
$200.00 each
$200.00 each
11 x 14
These are the very last prints of only 5 made.
High quality paper!
Signed by Christian Siriano (and me on back, thanking you if you'd like).
4. SOLD
5. SOLD
6. SOLD
Thank you, Christian!
Thanks everyone! I'll try to find more cool stuff to sell!
Love,
KJo