“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit”
-Shakespeare, 12th Night
Perhaps the most gratifying part of becoming an old hag is finally understanding that there’s a yin and yang to almost everything in life.
Yes, even with social media.
The beauty of it is that it gives a voice to so many deserving people.
The ugliness of it is that it also gives the same to so many undeserving.
I’m not proud of the fact that for a great portion of my life, I had a profound mistrust of people. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I even disliked most of them. This is partially due to the “ick” factor that happens when one becomes suddenly famous: There you are, the same idiotic buffoon you always were, and overnight you’ve become the prom queen.
It’s just kind of gross. So there’s that.
But admittedly, most of my aversion to people I attribute to my chronic, life-threatening addiction, and the horrific depression and self-hatred that accompanied it.
Which is why, pretty much from the age of 25 until I got sober at age 39, I trusted only a tiny group of people I’d known for many years. The rest of the world I would smile politely at, certain they wanted my friendship simply because I happened to be smashed on the head with the famous stick.
For years I walked the streets of NYC with a baseball cap & sunglasses, wearing a grimace so icy it would rival Victoria Beckham’s. I emanated “STAY AWAY FROM ME” from every pore of my being. This was not because I was snotty, or had a glorified sense of who I was. It was out of fear, mistrust and misery.
As I got sober, and the shackles of doubt and shame were shed, I slowly became open to people. I began to enjoy life again. I was utterly shocked to learn that I actually enjoyed meeting strangers, and had fun talking to just about anyone. The biggest shocker was when I realized that I didn’t even hate being famous anymore.
In fact, I found it kind of sweet. Wow, people saying nice things to you, everywhere you go? Yeah. Torture.
I became soft and happy and trusting.
Unfortunately, this evolution coincided with my first foray into social media.
I’ve always had slight timing issues, so I wasn't all that surprised.
What did surprise me, however, was how easy it is to be catfished when you can’t see someone’s face or hear their voice.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a savvy bitch who can smell a liar or a con artist 10 blocks away.
In real life.
However, on social media I’ve made a few truly terrible choices, stupidly believing that people were exactly who they presented themselves to be. I’ve been burned badly a few times, people lying about their addiction or exagerrating crises to get my attention.
Recently I was betrayed by a popular blog writer I had begun to trust as a friend.
I’m not going to refer to her actual name, or the name of her blog, not because I’m concerned for her privacy or any sort of retribution from her. I could care less.
I just refuse to give her or her blog anymore interest, attention or hits.
Let’s call her “Jenny.”
Some of you may have no interest in this post whatsoever, and some might find it interesting. But I found out there are many out there who were also taken in by this same woman, so I decided to finally speak out about what happened to me. I know there are some (a rapidly dwindling number) people who still believe in her. I'm hoping that this will at least make you stop and think. Because it will happen to you, too, sooner or later.
For months, I bit my tongue as she spread devastating and completely false stories about me, my health, my sobriety, and even the legitimacy of my beloved non-profit organization.
The worst part?
She did all this to me for absolutely no sane reason. I was completely supportive of her, constantly telling my followers about her, tweeting about her and offering her nothing but kindness and friendship.
She decided to attack everything I held dear and besmirch my reputation for one reason, and one reason only: To entertain Jenny.
However, I’m loyal to the death. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I’m generous to a fault, loving and I do my damndest to never lie. To myself or anyone else.
Despite doing not one thing to warrant Jenny’s sudden and public smackdown of me on twitter, in the months since I did my best to ignore the nonsense as she and her followers went to town ripping me apart.
However, recent and incontrovertible facts have come to light. People who once believed in her like I did have been very hurt. And I finally became aware of the damaging and horrible lies she gleefully spread about me to anyone who would listen.
Finally I decided to take a stand and clear my name.
Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To?
Jenny is a very clever gal wrote an entertaining blog about nonsense. At the time I discovered her, she had a large, passionate and devoted fan base. Her blog was sprinkled with occasional posts about her personal life, but it was mostly comprised of very detailed and shocking “blind items” about this c-lister or that d-lister.
She presented her information as absolute truth.
She claimed her sources were either her favorite subjects’ personal assistant, her best friend from childhood, an oscar nominated actress, or another dear friend who's a tabloid staple.
I’ve since discovered that her blinds were either false (an easy deduction, since almost all never came to fruition) or they were plagiarized from another gossip blog. As for her sources? Well, since nobody in hollywood would be stupid enough to hire an assistant without having them sign a legally binding confidentiality agreement, and since this particular assistant is still employed by the celebrity Jenny loved to write about, there goes that source. As for her two super famous bffs? Apparently neither of them know who she is.
Regardless, I'm sure these people have way too much going on to be constantly feeding complete nonsense about Leanne Rimes or Brandi or me to some insane blogger in Chicago. But that's just a guess.
Right about now you might be asking yourself “You, Kristen? You, blessed with such class and elegance? How did you ever become a fan of a gossip blog?!!”
I know, I know. In my defense, Jenny, like all good sociopaths, was really charming and funny. And, as totally repulsed as I am now by everything about her, I concede that she’s a pretty decent writer.
Plus, there was this...
Last summer, I was sicker than I've ever been in my life. I had no idea what was wrong with me, and no Doctor seemed capable of giving me a diagnosis. For the next 6 months I was so weak I couldn’t stand, walk or even hold my own head up. My white blood cell count was that of a dead person’s. Most of my days were spent lying in bed. The few times I ventured out to either go to yet another fruitless Dr appointment, or to force myself to go to work, I had to wear a neck brace (otherwise my head would limply fall forward on to my chest) and I was confined to a wheelchair. I saw many, many specialists, and lived a nightmarish existence I’ll share with you in greater detail some other time. (I'm sure you can't wait!)
The bottom line is, I was finally diagnosed with Lupus Myelitis in late December, and, after some intensive infusions and treatments, I’m almost in complete remission and I feel fantastic. I've never been so grateful in my life. I kid you not when I say the experience was even worse than what happened to me in London when my Guts blew up.
Since I couldn’t go up or down stairs without agonizing effort during those long, lonely 6 months, I was pretty much a prisoner in my bedroom.
It would have been the perfect time to write a brilliant novel or simply read a trashy one.
But I couldn't really concentrate, so I ended up whiling most of the days away on the computer. Jenny’s blog became kind of a way for me to connect to the outside world. She made me laugh and I instantly liked her. We had begun tweeting each other, and eventually began exchanging emails.
It was at this time a few trusted people I’d known on twitter for a long time began warning me away from Jenny. They told me she was a scammer, a con artist, and a felon. She’d embezzled a ton of money and even spent time in jail. Rather recently, she'd been accused of fraud.
This gave me only the briefest of pauses.
After all, I’d done some pretty embarrassing things when I used, and she had already paid the price for her mistakes. I decided to ignore all the warnings.
I'm an asshole.
This is how it went for months. Me, bored out of my skull, being entertained by Jenny’s blog posts & the amusing people who commented on it.
Then, in October, Jenny offered to wear a SLAM t-shirt as she ran in a Marathon. She said this would bring some much-needed attention to my non-profit foundation dedicated to building NYC’s 1st sober high school. Even though I didn't really look at it as a huge deal, I thought this was a lovely gesture and thanked her profusely both privately and on twitter.
The day of the marathon, I even tweeted my thanks to her while being prepped for a spinal tap at the Mayo clinic, where I was for two weeks. I shared what was really going on with only a small number of people, and by this time, Jenny was one of them.
Remember those friends of mine who had warned me about her? Well, it turns out they were trying to warn others about her and basically causing Jenny hurt and pain. I wrote one of them a few times and pleaded with her to stop saying mean things.
Here's one of the letters I wrote, which I eventually shared with Jenny:
And so they stopped, despite their strong feelings that Jenny was a con artist. Not a negative word was uttered about her for months, at least that I saw.
Okay, so you know how you get that funny tickle on the back of your throat when one of your friends is angry with you? Or that odd feeling in your chest when you feel something you’ve done or said has maybe hurt someone you care about? But you're clueless as to what you did? If you think back, there were warning signs that they were gonna blow. Oh shit, I knew something was off! Or Fuck me, I knew I shouldn't have hit on her husband at their wedding! Dumb, dumb, dumb! Then, when the bomb goes off, there’s almost a relief.
But our gal Jenny doesn’t believe in warnings. No sir. Our gal Jenny's more like an Al Quaeda terrorist who happily munches on warm nuts in First Class seconds before causing death and destruction. In January she lashed out at me so suddenly, with such stunning force, that when I read her tweet during a rehearsal, I recall actually saying the words “What the fuck” very loudly.
She was enraged that I didn’t thank her properly for wearing a SLAM t-shirt for
the marathon she had run months ago. She accused me of being unsupportive, and was furious that she paid $300 to run in this marathon, all for nothing. She was sick of me “playing both sides of the fence” and “not standing up for her when it counted.”
It was an absurd, insane display of pettiness, jealousy and madness. (Not to mention I subsequently found out the entrance fee for this particular race was $63.00. Not $300)
She then wrote a vicious blog about it, which I chose not to read. But I got the gist. I was a fucking D-list, ungrateful psychotic cunt.
Wow. Okay then. See ya, psycho. Sorry I stood up for you & supported you.
At the time, I wrote this twit longer about it:
And that has been the only thing I’ve said about Jenny publicly since January.
-Shakespeare, 12th Night
The beauty of it is that it gives a voice to so many deserving people.
The ugliness of it is that it also gives the same to so many undeserving.
It’s just kind of gross. So there’s that.
But admittedly, most of my aversion to people I attribute to my chronic, life-threatening addiction, and the horrific depression and self-hatred that accompanied it.
For years I walked the streets of NYC with a baseball cap & sunglasses, wearing a grimace so icy it would rival Victoria Beckham’s. I emanated “STAY AWAY FROM ME” from every pore of my being. This was not because I was snotty, or had a glorified sense of who I was. It was out of fear, mistrust and misery.
In fact, I found it kind of sweet. Wow, people saying nice things to you, everywhere you go? Yeah. Torture.
Unfortunately, this evolution coincided with my first foray into social media.
I’ve always had slight timing issues, so I wasn't all that surprised.
What did surprise me, however, was how easy it is to be catfished when you can’t see someone’s face or hear their voice.
In real life.
However, on social media I’ve made a few truly terrible choices, stupidly believing that people were exactly who they presented themselves to be. I’ve been burned badly a few times, people lying about their addiction or exagerrating crises to get my attention.
Recently I was betrayed by a popular blog writer I had begun to trust as a friend.
I’m not going to refer to her actual name, or the name of her blog, not because I’m concerned for her privacy or any sort of retribution from her. I could care less.
I just refuse to give her or her blog anymore interest, attention or hits.
For months, I bit my tongue as she spread devastating and completely false stories about me, my health, my sobriety, and even the legitimacy of my beloved non-profit organization.
The worst part?
She did all this to me for absolutely no sane reason. I was completely supportive of her, constantly telling my followers about her, tweeting about her and offering her nothing but kindness and friendship.
Tee fucking hee.
I'll be the first to admit that I have many flaws. I’m bossy, impatient, easily frustrated, jump to conclusions, like to think I know better, interrupt often and, like any good addict/actress, I've been known to occasionally lean ever so slightly towards self-involvement.However, I’m loyal to the death. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I’m generous to a fault, loving and I do my damndest to never lie. To myself or anyone else.
Finally I decided to take a stand and clear my name.
Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To?
She presented her information as absolute truth.
She claimed her sources were either her favorite subjects’ personal assistant, her best friend from childhood, an oscar nominated actress, or another dear friend who's a tabloid staple.
Regardless, I'm sure these people have way too much going on to be constantly feeding complete nonsense about Leanne Rimes or Brandi or me to some insane blogger in Chicago. But that's just a guess.
I know, I know. In my defense, Jenny, like all good sociopaths, was really charming and funny. And, as totally repulsed as I am now by everything about her, I concede that she’s a pretty decent writer.
Plus, there was this...
The bottom line is, I was finally diagnosed with Lupus Myelitis in late December, and, after some intensive infusions and treatments, I’m almost in complete remission and I feel fantastic. I've never been so grateful in my life. I kid you not when I say the experience was even worse than what happened to me in London when my Guts blew up.
It would have been the perfect time to write a brilliant novel or simply read a trashy one.
But I couldn't really concentrate, so I ended up whiling most of the days away on the computer. Jenny’s blog became kind of a way for me to connect to the outside world. She made me laugh and I instantly liked her. We had begun tweeting each other, and eventually began exchanging emails.
This gave me only the briefest of pauses.
After all, I’d done some pretty embarrassing things when I used, and she had already paid the price for her mistakes. I decided to ignore all the warnings.
I'm an asshole.
This is how it went for months. Me, bored out of my skull, being entertained by Jenny’s blog posts & the amusing people who commented on it.
Here's one of the letters I wrote, which I eventually shared with Jenny:
Listen, I wanna talk to you abt Jenny. You of course are TOTALLY welcome to your beliefs, and who knows? Maybe someday I'll say "you were right!"
But the one thing I wanted to say is: she says she was struggling with addiction stuff when all this was going on yrs ago. Yes, she did wrong shit, she went to jail, and decided to change. She's worked hard to stay drama free with all the blogging stuff.
I guess what I'm saying is, if people judged me on who I was 7 years ago, I'd have no friends.
If you don't like her for what she does today, well, then that's your biz. .
But it seems most of your anti-Jenny stuff is abt her past.
She has never mentioned you or any of this to me, in a tweet or DM, ok? But just as I would try to defend you, I'm trying to defend her.
If you don't care about any of this, and just don't like her, cool. That's your deal. I respect that.
But if I saw someone I liked saying something about you, I'd do the same. I'm just sensitive to someone being hated for behavior they regret deeply. I'm a big believer that people can change...after all, I did.
And so they stopped, despite their strong feelings that Jenny was a con artist. Not a negative word was uttered about her for months, at least that I saw.
She was enraged that I didn’t thank her properly for wearing a SLAM t-shirt for
the marathon she had run months ago. She accused me of being unsupportive, and was furious that she paid $300 to run in this marathon, all for nothing. She was sick of me “playing both sides of the fence” and “not standing up for her when it counted.”
Wow. Okay then. See ya, psycho. Sorry I stood up for you & supported you.
At the time, I wrote this twit longer about it:
I know there's been lots of twitter drama since last night, and since I don't have a blog (nor will I read anyone else's)...here's my truth. Take it or leave it.I don't know how I stumbled onto Jenny's blog/twitter, but she made me laugh my ass off. Her writing is superb, cutting, observant. I became a big fan fast, and soon we struck up an email friendship.When this happened, maybe 6-8 months ago, suddenly people I've known for years warned me off her. She's shady, she did this & that, felon, blah blah blah. Which I didn't care about. Since I'm an addict in recovery & have made so many mistakes in my past.... I would hate for someone to judge me based on those, only to throw them back in my face years later.However, a few longtime pals felt very differently about Jenny. This was awkward, and I was very clear with them that I hated that they were talking about her. I approached them on numerous occasions, asking them to stop saying such negative stuff about Jenny. As my friend T will attest, I wrote LONG emails to her on Jenny's behalf.I never did so publicly on twitter because, frankly, I wasn't interested in getting a rise out of everyone else & inspiring even MORE feuding.Unfortunately, I guess my friendship with Jenny and the other ladies made it seem like I "played both sides of the fence" which in my opinion, is not true. I NEVER ONCE said a negative word about Jenny to them, and vice versa. I LIKED THEM BOTH.
I totally enjoyed reading Jenny's blogs, interacting with her followers, and our occasional emails. I did, and still do, think she's incredibly talented. I'm also very grateful she volunteered to represent my non-profit organization by wearing a t-shirt in a marathon she ran, which I expressed to her at the time.
However, it has clearly become too uncomfortable & hurtful to Jenny to be friends with her. This really bums me out, and even though I don't like the way she did it, I guess I understand why.
I really wish old crap could stay in the past here on twitter. But, I always say "it's my twitter, I'll write what I want"....so I guess I have to respect the same toward others.I will not trash Jenny or anyone involved with her, I'm not interested in more drama. I'm serious. I'm still really sick with Lupus, I have IV infusions nightly, and frankly...I hate it.If anyone's looking for me to join some feud, I got better shit to do.And, as always with this stuff, I wish my friend Lynn were here.I will always remain a huge fan of Jenny's writing.
KJo
And that has been the only thing I’ve said about Jenny publicly since January.
If only she had done the same. I guess her meltdown was questionable for even her most devoted followers, and she was called out on it. To such an extent that she was pressured into making up shit about me to explain the reasons for her insane behavior.
I don’t know this for a fact. It’s just a guess.
But how else to explain the fact that she proceeded to tell many people such libelous and damaging lies about me, my sobriety, my sanity, my reputation as an actress, the veracity of my illness and the legitimacy of my non-profit organization?
I can't go into further detail, for many reasons. But lets just leave it at: this woman did everything in her power to destroy the very things in life I've worked hardest for. The things I hold most dear.
I can't go into further detail, for many reasons. But lets just leave it at: this woman did everything in her power to destroy the very things in life I've worked hardest for. The things I hold most dear.
Jenny. Jenny. Jenny.
You went way too far.
You should NOT have made up such horrible, blatant lies about my sobriety.
You should not have made whatever you wanted and claimed it as truth.
You’re very, very lucky I’m not suing you.
When you spread lies about my sobriety, you potentially negatively impacted my book sales.
When you make up hideous shit and claim it’s “insider scoop” from a beloved, Oscar nominated comedian, you potentially negatively impact my career.
You should NOT have made up such horrible, blatant lies about my sobriety.
You should not have made whatever you wanted and claimed it as truth.
You’re very, very lucky I’m not suing you.
When you spread lies about my sobriety, you potentially negatively impacted my book sales.
When you make up hideous shit and claim it’s “insider scoop” from a beloved, Oscar nominated comedian, you potentially negatively impact my career.
Unlike you, I work for a living.
You are a lying, stealing, con-artist who’s spent a nice chunk of time in jail for embezzlement.
You are a lying, stealing, con-artist who’s spent a nice chunk of time in jail for embezzlement.
I hear one more word out of you about me or anything I’ve spent my life busting my ass to build, I will call my attorney.
And I will sue you.
My management team is reaching out to your famous "friends" right now.
I’m from the midwest too, bitch. I throw down just as hard as you. And I’m sane.
And I will sue you.
My management team is reaching out to your famous "friends" right now.
I’m from the midwest too, bitch. I throw down just as hard as you. And I’m sane.
I win.