But flip that coin a second. Some people's day is ruined because some dude not only cut them off in traffic, but decided to give them the finger. Some can't fathom why their mother still adores making them feel like a fat ugly failure. (Hint: Mommy don't feel so hot about herself.) Some are crushed that their newly rehabbed brother showed up today clearly high as a kite. Some are revolted when grown-ups use twitter to do everything they can to destroy another person's life, family, livelihood or reputation.
And on the surface, of course I'm the same.
But scratch me a little deeper, and you'll discover quite the opposite is true.
You see, I've been a freak all my life.
I was 6 feet tall at 12 yrs old, and I was a loud, inappropriate, book-obsessed, learning disabled, corrective shoe-wearing theater nerd. I learned at a very young age that others' cruelty, hurt and betrayals not only empowered me, they made me a better person. You hurt me, I only become stronger.
In fact, I believe with all my heart that there's a direct correlation between other people's cruelty towards me and my own triumphs: as a person, a writer, a teacher, and an actress.
How do I know this to be so?
Well, if I may be so tacky, I'd like to share a brief paragraph from my book GUTS. This is from the end of Chapter Three "The Freak Has Landed," where I write about what I went through in Catholic grade school, especially the torment I went through by Amy Grable, who was as stunning and popular as she was vicious.
*By the way, many have asked me...of course Amy Grable is not her real name! She was a kid. However, the events I write about are very real.
The event I want to share with you occurred many years after grade school, a few years after 3rd Rock was a huge success. I was home in Wisconsin for the holidays and hit the local mall with my sister Julie. It was there that I ran into the barely recognizable Amy, who now was as hideous externally as she'd always been internally. It was as if her sick and evil soul had had a bloody battle with her beauty, and her beauty lost. Badly.
Very, very badly.
She was thrilled to see me and asked me for my autograph, a moment that was so powerful I swear it resonated all the way back to the 8 year old me.
I smiled as if it was all perfectly normal, while inside I shook with the power of a million feelings.
I wanted to write:
"Dear AmyInstead, I wrote something kind & general.
It must suck to know you peaked at twelve
Love
Kristen"
She happily walked away and I sat down, pale-faced and in shock....
"As I sat there on that cement bench, next to a plastic fern, it struck me that maybe I had triumphed, after all. Not because of dumb stuff like looks or fame or success. Or even lack of body odor.
Maybe I'd triumphed because instead of crushing me, this person had unwittingly forced me to become someone interesting. A person who knows that the greatest curse in life is when it’s handed to you on a silver platter. Someone who knows it’s so much better to have to fight for what you want. Someone who understands that the more people tell you you’re going to fail, the more you’re driven to prove them wrong.
Someone who shows you that, at the end of the day, funny and interesting will always kick pretty and perfect’s ass.
I mean, think about it- if there weren’t people like her to torture people like me, would people like me even exist?
Now, what I really wish I’d written was this:
"Dearest Amy,There will always be many Amy Grables throughout our lives. I certainly still have a few. And while I instinctively wish they didn't exist, or I have a knee-jerk reaction of anger when someone lies about me, slanders me, or cuts me down....the real truth is, at the end of the day I'm grateful to them.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Love,
The Freak""
There are many Amy Grables on Social Media, far more than in the Entertainment Industry. I see the damage they cause every day.
But today I woke up wondering what our "Amy's" would think if they knew they've done far more good for us than bad?
They've led me to some of the funniest, best, most loyal people I never would've met otherwise.
They've forced me to learn how not to be reactionary.
They've taught me even more compassion & grace.
They've taught me forgiveness.
And above all, all our Amys...just like the Amy of my grade school, have all made it abundantly clear that they live a life so miserable I wouldn't wish upon....well, Amy Grable.
So to all the Amy Grables in everyones lives....Today I want to thank you.
May you someday find the peace and joy you clearly crave.
We're all so grateful to each of you.
Love to you all
KJo